Tax Advise from Greg Rosen, Realtor.

I got my taxes done yesterday and today I get this email from my accountant:  

Greg, we have six tax attorneys, seven assistants and two office staff and we all look forward to your returns. We save them for the end of the day and gather in the break room, make a few cocktails and then I read your deduction claims for the last year. I remember 2017, $3,147.50 for a pallet of Crown royal you claimed as a medical deduction for stress relief.  2016, $1,312 paid to a dancer, in one dollar bills, and you even took photos of those 1,132 bills. Your claim was that it was for dance lessons, most of us are still sharing that story. 2015, $700.00 for birth control, I actually liked this one. That year IRS allowed a child tax credit of $2000 and by spending $700.00 on birth control you saved the IRS $1300.00 not having to claim this deduction. I see for 2018 you claim that the breast implants for your employee, I.e. your spouse, are on your list of “business expenses”. You provided a court ruling in favor of this deduction. As I understand a Female dancer did the same claim you are attempting and she to claimed this as a business expense. IRS denied it but a tax court ruled in favor of the dancer, stating that the implants were a stage prop, and thus a legitimate work expense that can be deducted. You claim is that your employee, I.e. your wife, doesn’t actually do anything besides greet people at the front desk as they come in. Your claim is that she too is just a stage prop which in your definition makes her more pleasant to see.  In order to determine the amount we might be able to claim the entire office came up with a few questions: 1. Is any part of this deduction used for pleasure and not business only? 2. Does your employee, I.e. your wife, know you are referring to her as a stage prop?  3.  Since you are referring to your wife as a stage prop can we assume your marital status will be changing next year?