I saw a story from a wildlife expert that said this is the mating season for the North American Sasquatch, better known as Bigfoot. It said it’s not safe to be in forested areas! Curious to know if this was fact or fiction I went to the North American Bigfoot Center in Boring, right off Hwy 26. By the way if you’ve never been there you really need to go, they have a wide array of Bigfoot evidence and historical artifacts. I asked them if it was in fact the mating season and they kind of looked at me and shook their heads, pretty sure I also saw an eye roll, so of course I took that as a yes! Some say they are a mystical creature, I’ve always found truth in the mystical approach to life. As humans, we assume we need to see, feel and experience everything for it to be valid and if we don’t it’s hard to believe. I would say to those non-believers in Bigfoot have you ever seen the air we breathe? I know you can’t see it either but I assure you my research has found it is in fact there. Why I’m telling you is because that Wildlife expert has a dire warning that during this time Sasquatch can be very attracted to humans and some have reported actual encounters. Close encounters! In Oregon last week a guy reported that he was kidnapped and forced to cuddle with a Sasquatch, and he said it smelled like it had been drinking, which would explain why it kept ranting on and on about its ex. True story, I just don’t make things up! My thoughts when you do come across Bigfoot, be prepared. First, don’t panic and never use bear spray. One guy reporting an encounter said it seemed to work more like an aphrodisiac than a repellent. That’s good info, take note. Another way to avoid an encounter in the woods is by cueing up a few love songs on your cell phone. Then, if you come across an overly friendly Sasquatch, crank the volume, play the song and throw your phone as far away as possible. Word on the street or I should say ”word in the forest,” is that most Sasquatch are suckers for romantic music and they will be drawn to it. Then, run like hell. I ran this story on my Blog page and I told the story of my Bigfoot sighting back in 1982. I will admit I was pretty wild back then, so it could have been a hallucination, but it seemed real at the time. I was in the Mt Hood National Forest picking mushrooms and I saw something walking, very tall and very hairy through some trees. I later saw 29 comments of other folks who also had seen “something”. Some of you may want to actually try and find a Sasquatch so I thought I should warn you to look quickly, because experts in this field say that due to climate change in less than 3years they will be extinct! This concerns me and I’m hoping someone will try and do something about this before it’s too late like passing a Carbon tax. From what I hear from our leaders in Salem that will solve everything.
Greg Rosen is a humor writer for several major newspapers in Oregon, Realtor, father and husband. Questions or comments are appreciated: [email protected].