Its day 47 of the “peaceful protests” in Portland. I heard property damage estimates are 5-10 million. I think we all can thank God it was so peaceful. My father always told me when things get crazy to remember there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope when we do see the light that it isn’t just a guy lighting up a cigarette after he came to the end of the shaft.
Things appear to be getting crazier
Some days, I wake up and I feel like I just want to run away and hide from all this chaos, but then I remember how much I hate running, so I think another plan is needed. I have noticed something positive about all this: It’s the never ending washing of my hands and constant use of hand sanitizer which has shown interesting side effects. Due to the massive amount of cleaning products my body has absorbed over the last few months my toilet bowl is so clean that Mr. Clean (the big bald, earring clad guy from TV ads) could use it for a commercial. I’m also scoring major brownie points with my wife. Since January, I’ve bragged about cleaning the toilet so she doesn’t have to. By the way she was very impressed, especially since she didn’t have to re-clean what I just cleaned. Apparently we have a difference of opinion on what “clean” means.
Why change History
She actually told me, it’s a well-known fact that “men” don’t clean as well as women. I of course used this opportunity to tell her how offended I was at her statement. I attempted to capitalize on the current political environment where being offended is enough to change history but she wasn’t buying any of it. She also accused me of making stuff up just to get out of cleaning more around the house. Again, I tried to act offended, but she still didn’t care. I was about to tell her how offended I was with her indifference, but I figured I’d gone as far as I could with that line of reasoning. I called it “reasoning” she called it something entirely different.
A higher level of commitment
I’m not sure I can do much to calm the world but I can make things easier at home by doing more around the house. Unfortunately, I’m not a big fan of doing dishes. First of all, there’s all that rinsing and do I really need to use a scouring pad to remove heavy build up before loading it into the dishwasher? This is all pretty confusing, especially since I’ve never seen written instructions on the technical issues involved in the proper pre washing procedures. After some deep thought I decided I’d start cleaning the bath tub since keeping the toilet clean is, well, really easy. I’m going need to drink a lot more water if I’m going to make that level of commitment, but I’m willing to make the major sacrifices it takes to keep my wife happy.
Greg Rosen is a Father, Husband, Realtor and humorist writer for several major newspapers. Questions or comments can be sent to [email protected]. If you like what you see please share.