I don’t consider myself old, but it’s a reality I need to face. I realized it when AARP starting sending me ads weekly for their services telling me, “you now qualify”. But being older isn’t all bad, at this age I bet if I told my wife I was having an affair she wouldn’t even think about what I meant. I imagine her reaction would be something like “That’s nice dear, will it be catered?” Getting older isn’t so bad if you master a few tricks I’ve learned. A few years ago I found out if I just stopped wearing my glasses when I looked in the mirror I look pretty good!
Learning the language of the old ones.
I also realized I’m starting to understand the acronyms used in texting by older folks. Like ATD…at the doctor, BFF…best friend fell and BTW…bring the wheel chair. The more tech savvy seniors have developed even more advanced texting systems. Like BYOT, bring your own teeth or FWIW…forgot where I was going. Personally, since I think I’m some kind of comedian I get ROFLACGU a lot which obviously means “Rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up”. It’s even funny to watch phrases change as you get older like “getting lucky”. I remember when getting lucky didn’t mean I was able to find my car in the parking lot!
With age comes knowledge
I’ve also found, as you get older, you need to be very careful with the words you use. Just before going out to dinner the other night I saw my wife gazing into the mirror and she commented that she wished she didn’t have so many age lines. I tried to remedy the situation by telling her she’s still hot and I think it would have worked if I hadn’t added, “it just comes in flashes now”. Apparently being honest has consequences because we didn’t go to dinner that night and we won’t be going again until someone can tell me when hell is set to freeze over.
Have good medical coverage
I’ve also noticed I seem to be going to the doctor more. I think every time I have a new pain it’s the grim reaper sending me a message that he’s coming for me. My wife calls me a hypochondriac, which may be true. She has even used the term “senior moment” which I think is at least 20 years away. On my last visit to the ER I was complaining about bodily fluids randomly appearing on my leg. I’ll be the first to admit I may have overacted but I’ll bet I’m not the first (slightly older guy) to have made that mistake. After a thorough examination the doctor determined the problem was just my aim, which provided me quite the relief knowing I dodged the reaper once again.
End of life care? Yep I’m thinking about it and I’ve heard some interesting things about adult care facilities. I think it’s important to plan for the future, did you know on average the ratio is almost 10-1 on women to men? It’s true! This may be an option I need to consider, especially if hell doesn’t freeze over and I need a backup plan.
Greg Rosen is a humor writer, Realtor, father and husband. Questions or comments are appreciated: [email protected].
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