I’m one of those weird people that doesn’t like uninvited solicitors coming to my home. It doesn’t matter who they are or what they have to offer. I’m so stubborn that even if it were an Omaha Steak truck offering free steaks just for talking to them, I would still tell my dog to sic’ em and laugh as they ran out the driveway. It might have something to do with the fact I’ll buy anything from anybody if they ask me. The 32 magazine subscriptions I get monthly are proof of that so a few years ago I came up with a plan.
I trained my dog to attack on command.
Before you get all concerned about the thought of me unleashing a wild crazed dog on someone know this: I have a 12lb wiener dog who is about as ferocious as a baby bunny, but if you step onto our property, she will come at you like a bear protecting her cubs. When she has the rare opportunity to defend our home, I love the way she comes strutting back to me looking like she saved the entire family from a fire by dragging us out one by one. I don’t have the heart to tell her at 270lbs I don’t think she can drag me anywhere. Let’s keep that to ourselves, if she ever found that out, she would be devastated.
Training your dog to get free stuff is fun.
It probably doesn’t help that I always reward her with a treat when she successfully saved me from a boring encounter with a solicitor. The problem is not only do I reward her for running off the bad guys, sometimes they drop stuff as they run for their lives so I gave her an extra treat when she brings back whatever they leave behind. In the past, she has brought me back three bibles, a brand-new Kirby vacuum, a complete home security system and nine boxes of girl scout cookies, four of which were delivered with cookies missing. I tried to determine what happened to those cookies, but my dog was not giving up any useful information on that.
Door to Door salesmen need to team up for the best results.
In reality, door to door salesmen are a dying breed. It’s been years since I saw one, but I heard the “new guy” running things in Washington is reviving the business. His plan is to go door to door offering the covid vaccine and that gave me an idea. Since I’ve spent years researching and studying door to door sales tactics (you need to know the enemy to defeat them) I have a few ideas on how they can have better success in their mission. There is a religious group that is well-known for sharing their message by also going door to door. I think the vaccine guys should team up with them to deliver the shots. I only suggest this because I’ve heard some say that a prayer along with the vaccine might be a good idea.
Greg Rosen is a Father, Husband, Realtor and humorist writer for several major newspapers. Questions or comments can be sent to [email protected]. If you like what you see please share.