What can I say about 2020? Interesting would be an understatement. At this point I’m thinking if a clown, and not a friendly looking one, invited me into the forest and he happens to be carrying a machete and a roll of duct tape I’d just go with him because it’s still probably safer than the streets of Portland right now. So far 2020 is like looking both ways before crossing the road and then getting run over by a stampeding herd of elephants that appeared out of nowhere. This would be really strange because in the 30 years I’ve lived in Sandy I’ve rarely seen an elephant roaming around the neighborhood. Apparently it’s not just some people going crazy, did you see the news on the gang of monkeys in Delhi? It’s true, a gang of monkeys (that is the exact words the journalist used to describe them, a gang) attacked a lab technician and made off with blood samples that had tested positive for corona virus. This is pretty concerning but I want to know how long monkeys have been forming gangs. My research on Monkeys in India found a web site which did provide some useful information on how to join a monkey gang. First of all they say you need to be a monkey, no humans or other animals can apply. That’s good information for sure. After reading the requirements in order to be a member all you need to do is steal a bunch of bananas, and then from what I can tell you’re in! I can only assume this particular “monkey gang” had something far more sinister in mind when they stole the samples from the high security lab. Perhaps the goal was to spread panic in the streets, and Panic they did! Within minutes every news source in India was running the story about the brazen attack in the town of Meerut which has 2 million people. Local authorities tracked down and detained the suspected gang leader and his followers. They recovered the samples without hurting any of the suspects. The lab tech was then brought in to identify the assailants who assaulted him, yes this actually happened. Apparently monkeys in India must look a lot alike or due to the embarrassment of being robbed in a high security lab by a gang of monkeys the victim declined to identify or press charges against the suspects. In just 6 months we had Corona virus, killer bees, mass riots, world wide shut downs and organized skilled monkeys breaking into high security labs; I can’t wait to see what happens in July! If I have a choice I would love to see some aliens. I’ve heard of this thing called the dark state, rumor has it they run everything. If this is true I wonder if they have an email of phone number I can call to make a request for our next “big thing”. For some reason I think the whole world will return to normal after November 3rd except for the new impeachment hearings that will start up November 4th. Be safe my friends, we’re all in this together and watch out for the monkeys, they appear to be smarter than some of our elected officials right now.
Greg Rosen is a Father, Husband, Realtor and humorist writer for several major newspapers. Questions or comments are appreciated at [email protected] Please share if you like what you see.