If you are part of the “I ate to much again this year’ club I have a few tips for next year. Doctors have long known that the U.S. mortality rate annually spikes around Thanksgiving according to the CDC. They go on to say that Thanksgiving sticks out as an especially dangerous day, and there is one major factor, coronary events. The problem is as a realtor 99% of the time if I have a buyer or seller that passes on before closing, the transaction usually dies. Besides staying alive which is a good thing, if you follow my advice It’s possible that I could be known as the Realtor who saves lives, you can’t buy that kind of marketing at any price. Besides oversize coffins cost more than twice the cost of standard size. Thanksgiving is easy to survive if you consider the following next year. Try having dinner at one of your relatives that have a tendency to overcook everything, it’s hard to overeat super dry meat. Since we’re in Oregon don’t get stoned first, this is very sound advice due to the affects while under the influence of Marijuana, which include eating everything in sight and lots of it. Try drinking more, I’ve seen my Uncle drink so much he actually forgot to eat, I like this plan just not sure it’s a good alternative. Or you could bring up politics at dinner and argue with someone about it till either you leave or they do, this will in fact work for one of you. Personally I like to eat at a Thanksgiving level about a week before the actual thanksgiving meal, by being conditioned it removes that awkward overeating moment so many of us will have. I would have posted this before thanksgiving but I think we all know you’re not going to listen to me anyway.
Greg Rosen is a humor writer for several newspapers. He’s also a proud father, husband and Realtor. Questions or comments are appreciated: [email protected].