As Halloween approaches it is that time again to start looking for our Halloween costume for this year’s festivities. In our 20’s it was never even a question on my wife’s costume choice. It was always something with the same theme, Sexy Cat Women, Sexy French Maid, Sexy Cowgirl. I could go on, but you have the idea of what she was going for. Personally, I do not think my wife should limit these outfits to just one night a year. Oddly enough, even with all my encouragement I heard the famous words I hear all too often, “Nice try Greg, but that is not going to happen.”
So much for experimentation.
As far as my outfit goes it has not changed much over the years. I typically dress as a studly construction worker or cowboy, something sexy and rugged which fit me to a tee. In our 30’s things changed. My wife still wore sexy outfits just with a little more fabric than the past 10 years. In our 40’s things really started to change. This was when I first started hearing words like conservative and practical when my wife was discussing her costume choices. I will admit in our 40’s my costume did change a little but not by choice. I still preferred my cowboy look, but a few alterations were needed. The first thing to go was the big silver belt buckle. It was not a hard choice since you could not really see it anymore. I found that when I squeezed into my tight Wranglers my belly was forced up and then it naturally settled back down pretty much covering the entire belt buckle.
From Sexy to Conservative in the blink of an eye.
In our 50’s it was like my wife pulled her outfit from the lost and found basket at one of our local senior centers, she would have fit right in on the movie set of Little House on the Prairie as the local pastor’s wife. Besides covering at least 94% of her body there were so many layers I had to sit down and take a break while helping her undress. It took so long I totally lost interest in whatever I had in mind when I started helping her undress.
Do not let your wife shop for you!
As my 50’s begin to sink in I have finally learned a valuable lesson. I will never again send my wife out to buy me a costume. All I said was try to find something that fits my personality and physique. Apparently the “Blob” from a 1958 cult classic movie was in her words “a perfect fit”. Next year I think I will pick out my own costume.
Greg Rosen is a father, Husband, Realtor, and humorist writer for several major newspapers. Questions or comments can be sent to [email protected]. Please share if you like what you see.