The editor at the Oregonian contacted me because she thought my humorist columns might be a good fit for their paper. Wanting to make a great first impression, I looked at her Facebook page and discovered she was a staunch vegan. Which is fine, but I eat some form of meat with every meal, so much so that when I walk into Whites meats they all yell “Greg!” as I enter. I love going places where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came. I mean, who doesn’t want to be where everybody knows your name? (If you can read that while humming the theme song to Cheers it’s actually funny) My wife suggested if the editor asks, don’t use the “made up” version of my family history as the reason why I’m not vegan. Made up? I find it very frustrating that she has never believed I have a life threatening medical condition discovered by a team of doctors who specialize in this field. They found from extensive testing two major things, my ancestors were Neanderthals which inhabited Oregon 25,000 years ago and I inherited a trait that became embedded in my DNA that requires me to eat meat every day to survive, because that’s how my ancestors survived. Personally, I don’t think you can argue with science.
Greg Rosen is a humor writer for several major newspapers, Realtor, father and husband. Questions or comments are appreciated: [email protected]. Please share if you like what you see.