Every Friday, Safeway rotisserie chickens are $5.00 and it makes my wife crazy that I just can’t resist eating a leg on the way home. As I defied her wishes again, I knew I’d need a good excuse. I’m not proud of using the Corona Virus as my reason, but I did. That’s all I have to say about that. As my wife looked at another mangled chicken, I explained I was reaching for the chicken and panicked thinking about all the people that had touched it, and I ran out of the store. After my panic subsided, I decided the Corona Virus would not stop me from living the life I deserved. I returned to the store, grabbed a chicken, ripped opened the bag, tore a leg off and ate it on the spot. It was a brilliant excuse, but my timing was off. The day before I’d taken 12 free samples from people at Costco and she thought I looked like a kid in a candy store running from one station to the other so she wasn’t buying any of it. I’m starting to think after 20+ years together she can see into my mind. If lining my hat with foil to keep her out was a real thing I’d do it, I can’t get away with anything anymore.
Greg Rosen is a humor writer for several major newspapers, Realtor, father and husband. Questions or comments are appreciated: [email protected]. Please share if you like what you see.