Wildlife experts are warning that this is the mating season for the North American Sasquatch (Bigfoot) and it’s not safe to be in forested areas. Since their population has been dwindling (probably due to climate change) they are receiving reports that the big hairy guys can be very attracted to humans, including—but not limited to—crying uncontrollably while holding you in a bear hug and drunkenly ranting about their ex. My thoughts if you do come across a Sasquatch, be prepared. First, don’t panic and never use bear spray. One guy reporting an encounter said it seemed to work more like an aphrodisiac than a repellent. That’s good info, make a note. Most of you have a cell phone with music on it, so before you trek into the woods cue up a few love songs. Then, if you come across an overly friendly Sasquatch, crank the volume, play the song and throw your phone as far away from you as possible. Word on the street or I should say word in the forest, is that most Sasquatch are suckers for romantic music and they will be drawn to it. Then, run like hell. This public service message brought to you by Greg Rosen, Humorist writer and all around great guy.
Greg Rosen is a humor writer for several major newspapers, Realtor, father and husband. Questions or comments are appreciated: [email protected].
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