When I heard about the 15 day home confinement order, I immediately texted my wife and said, “I have a surprise for you! I’m on my way home, start the fire, it’s just you and me baby. Fifteen days, all alone, undisturbed!” When she didn’t respond I should have known she might have other plans but I had no idea how far she would go. Upon returning home she had the CDC recommendations posted on the door and the 6 foot buffer zone was underlined. Once inside, I found yellow caution tape dividing the home into 2 separate living spaces. While she got the whole house, I was confined to one room. In my room was a bucket, a roll of toilet paper, two cans of cashews, 2 bottles of water and a half eaten box of wheat thins. I believe she just took the “honey I have a headache” to an all new level. Since I know her “schedule” I figure the buffer zone will be removed in about 8 hours. A healthy marriage is about negotiation and maybe a little leverage to get your point across. Once she realizes she’s given me the last roll of toilet paper in the house, I think she’ll come around to my way of thinking.
Greg Rosen is a humor writer for several major newspapers, Realtor, father and husband. Questions or comments are appreciated: [email protected].