A friend invited me to go skiing at Timberline and even though I have not skied in 20 years I said yes. I had concerns though, and as I learned others in my family did also. My son said to put him down as my emergency contact. This was so my wife did not have to get the call from the ski patrol when I crashed and burned, which he said was inevitable. My daughter thought I would be a danger to others since out of control skiers pose a hazard to other skiers and, she was confident I would get taken out by a 4-year-old. So she bought me a bright orange ski jacket to wear to alleviate part of the hazard. I am not sure a 4-year-old would intentionally do something like that, but I do have grand kids, so I realize that possibility is real. My wife thought I was out of shape, physically and mentally and said DO NOT DO IT! I agreed with the physical part but mentally? Besides forgetting people’s names, places I have been and walking out of the house with my underwear on over my pants a time or two I thought I was aging very well. She finally gave her approval with two conditions. She did not want to hear me whine about being sore, and I must rent a helmet.
I do not think real men wear helmets
I agreed and laughed to myself because I knew I did not have to wear a helmet and since she was not going to be there, I could do what I wanted. Yes ladies, most men do in fact think this way. I decided to rent a room which was $250.00, and spent another hundred on a lift ticket. Ski rental seemed reasonable at $65.00. It would have been ten dollars less, but I decided to rent a helmet which was 100% my own decision. This had nothing to do with my wife saying I had to, or the fact that she called the ski rental place and told them if I did not, they were to refuse to rent skis to me. She was so adamant about the helmet she even left a message on my phone which I received just as I arrived at Timberline.
Concerned wife sends urgent voice mail
It said: Greg, I love you so please listen to me, you really cannot afford to lose anymore brain matter, please rent a helmet. She said it in a loving way, but I thought she was insulating my intelligence. After spending the next hour trying to figure out if the message was loving or insulting, I was distracted trying to figure out which ski pole was for my right or left hand and forgot all about her call. Overall, the day went well even though I whined like a little girl because my legs were burning like the fires of hell. My little adventure came to just over $600.00! I can honestly say that is the most money I have spent for the pleasure of being in so much pain, the worst part is pretending I am not, so I do not have to hear my wife say, I told you so.
Greg Rosen is a Father, Husband, Realtor and humorist writer for several major newspapers. Questions or comments can be sent to [email protected]. Please share if you like what you see.