.
This does not take a rocket scientist to do either. I know this for a fact because I thought it up and I have never been accused of being the brightest one in a room. Some even say this is true even if I am the only one in the room. In this article I will show you step by step instructions on how to get a free meal from family and friends.
Never call ahead, just show up.
How do you know when to arrive? This is where it gets fun. Have a pair of binoculars in your car so that you can park on the street and observe them through their windows. You might want to buy an older, windowless van to do this in, so they do not recognize you or your car. Getting the windows tinted will also help in your surveillance activities.
It is essential that you bring candy to give out in case nosey kids come up to your window wondering what you are doing.
Hidden cameras work very well.
Doing the whole van thing can be expensive though. Another idea might be to hide a camera somewhere in their home. This will ensure the perfect time to arrive for maximum success. Timing is the key to all of this. If you arrive as the meal is being served you are too late. Instead, time your arrival just before they start cooking.
A hungry tummy growl gets attention every time.
Now since you know when to arrive it is time for the icing on the cake. If you can, make your stomach growl like it does when you are hungry. If you cannot get an app on your phone to play one so they can hear it. It needs to be loud so that they say something like “is that your tummy rumbling?” Simply say yes, then pause for effect before saying, I have not eaten all day. If they did not immediately offer you a meal it is time to kick it up a notch with a heart wrenching reason. Consider these options: I saved a family from a burning car and drove them almost a hundred miles back home or you found an older gentleman roaming and confused on the freeway and it took all day to get him back home. All that matters is it needs to be powerful, and they will offer you a meal every single time.
Am I a Genius?
I know what you are thinking. This is brilliant! My wife has another word for it, it’s really two words that sound a lot like bull skiff. Since this is a family friendly paper, I will not repeat what she actually said. I think she’s still having a problem with all the money I spent buying a used van and having the windows tinted. Trust me, this will work, I assure you I just don’t make this stuff up.
Greg Rosen is a father, Husband, Realtor, and humorist writer for several major newspapers. Questions or comments can be sent to [email protected].