If you have ever watched a Hallmark movie, they show you why you should never let your vulnerable, but somehow still adorable girlfriend, go back to her hometown for Christmas or festivals of any kind. If you do, she will find out that the local Mom and Pop grocery store is closing due to a big shopping center squeezing them out. By some miracle she saves the store but only because she got stuck in a snowstorm and was rescued on the side of the road by the guy trying to shut them down.
The main character always gets stuck.
Since she is cold and wet, he will take her to his cabin before heading back into town. Once the fire is going and they get a chance to visit she realizes he is the guy building the new store and “surprisingly” also happened to be her old high school flame. Then the storm gets worse, roads are closed, phones are out of service, and they are stuck at his beautifully decorated log cabin in the woods, on a lake.
There is always a dog.
Not just any dog. His dog is the descendant of the one she had as a child, which tragically passed while saving her life from drowning in the same lake his cabin is on. Since they were forced to be together for 2 days till the storm cleared, he decided not to build the store and they of course fall in love. There are variations to this, but the story line is always the same.
How do you know you are not in a Hallmark movie?
First your flight would be delayed. Then, you would get diverted to a layover in Los Angeles where you are robbed. Then by some miracle if you make it to your destination, you will find out they cancelled your room because you were late. Yes, you did call them, but they say there is no record of that. The snowstorm is highly likely, causing you to miss your return flight on a non-refundable ticket. Fortunately, for another $763.00 you can get a one-way ticket back home with a brief stop in Chicago, where once again, you are robbed. More than likely, there will also be a dog in your story. Chances are good it will either pee on your leg or bite you hard enough to bleed. If you do see an old flame, they will say something like, “what the hell happened to you.” Or they will pretend they do not know you at all.
Reality check
Hallmark has mastered telling a story with an alternate reality that has no basis to real life. Yet, they make you believe it can be. I cannot say for sure, but if I had to guess it looks as though Joe hired their writers for his State of the Union speech. Let’s put it this way, if that is the realty I am living in, then my reality check would definitely bounce.
Greg Rosen is a father, Husband, Realtor, and humorist writer for several major newspapers. Questions or comments can be sent to [email protected].